Ghoulihan’s Clipboard, or “Punch list of Evil”


There are few certainties in the world. The sun will rise. The wind will blow. And Taskmaster Ghoulihan’s punch list will get done.

Though there have been other Taskmasters in other dungeons with legendary to-do lists, Ghoulihan lords over them all with this clipboard of doom. Meticulous in every sense, Ghoulihan’s punch list is so detailed that every function, role, odd job, talking point, name, number, visual guide, and language translation is tidily inputted. And furthermore, anyone to acquire such a relic would have a perfect map and operational understanding of Orfong’s Dungeon on any given day.

Here is an excerpt from this week’s List:

  • 1:31pm – Collect on Boggle teeth (Note: Sledge located in Supply Closet 34. Boggles Ick and Eck enjoy lounging in Wormwood Rick’s private toilet)

  • 2:19pm – Drain the Slarmeel tanks and search the filters for any trace of Dweorg hair (Tell Wozinski it’s Yeti hair to sell in the gift shop)

  • 2:46pm – Bag the bodies in Pendulum Hall, notify relatives of the deceased, then capture relatives of the deceased and issue to Pendulum Hall. Repeat.

  • 4:00pm – Steal and eat Blik’s Orkish Delight.

  • 4:02pm – Turn Blik and Rigbee against each other. Tell Blik that Rigbee stole his Orkish Delight from the Break Room icebox.

  • 4:40pm – Attempt to corner the Stitch when the Goo’s nappin’. Kill. The. Stitch. (Or at least maim ‘im!)

  • 4:37pm – Make sure Torture Room 9C is ready for a torturin’ (if it ain’t, you know what good fer nothin’ lazybones is gonna get it!)

Unfortunately, when you have Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo as subordinates, your shot at a Most Valuable Taskmaster three-peat starts looking a little suspect.