Blaanch Mungfeld, Administrative Assistant

Single mother of twenty-seven, Blaanch Mungfeld is a humorless worker bee. She is extremely vocal of her numerous ailments which include: Fluctuating weight, corns and boils, sensitivity to torchlight, chronic goiters, and one mean case of gout.

Blaanch owns nine house cats, all of which are neatly skinned and hanging in her meat cellar for “holidays and visits” from family that never visit. Furthermore, these familial rejections have spurred a psychosis which leaves her prone to extreme romantic obsessions and an unhealthy adoration for teen idol and goblin power-pop icon, Stye Itchwound.

When she’s not working 120-hour weeks, she spends the remainder of her free-time pampering Madam Wozinski: sharpening her nails, emptying her chamber pots, perming her hair, and tracking down reagents for her nightly horse-blood baths.