Keef Bartlug, Accounts Serviceable

Keef Bartlug wakes up every morning, mixes a daily alchemical remedy for extreme agoraphobia, and then poops in the lobby planters. It all started because a ravenous Slarmeel escaped from its brooding pool and slithered into the plumbing system–but it eventually evolved into an obsessive habit. Now Keef simply cannot “go” without the piny smell of rhododendron wafting beside him in the dank dungeon air.

Placing Keef into Accounts Serviceable was a clerical oversight, one that obviously didn’t take into account his extreme fear of folk. So, day in and day out, Keef rifles his twitchy fingers through filing cabinets and answers the distresses of both Underling and Overlord alike, with a shifty smile and an uncomfortable ache in his bowels. Besides being reprimanded on numerous occasions for his nasty habits, he’s also been written up for excessively sweaty palms, incessant coughing, and failure to report the incitement of mutiny with song and dance.