Narren Two-Hander

Many heroes have attempted to slay Golo the Gargantuan and free the Grimly Wood. All have failed, though one man came close. His name was Narren ‘Two-hander’ and he answered the call to Grimly Wood with a brilliant plan.

Narren was from the Knolls of Waed and a savvy blacksmith by trade. For years his family had been associated with the King of the Castle Lake, providing a place to shoe and service horses and merchant caravans traveling from the distant east with fresh goods. As the years went on the caravans became more and more frequent–and desperate for food, wine, unrefined grain, even slaves. The caravan became a parade of grief, and so Narren formulated a plan.

Since Golo was so ravenous, the key to his defeat would most certainly be connected to his single most destructive nature: gluttony. So Narren embarked on a special recipe, one that called for a roasted oxen, stuffed with a roasted stallion, two smoked pigs, one hundred mitty fish, all hiding carefully the most important ingredient–a finely crafted two-handed longsword nearly the height of a man.

Narren traveled by way of a custom-made coal wagon, whereon his boobytrapped dish slow cooked for three days. Emboldened by the sight of the Castle Lake, Narren stoked the fires of his coal wagon until the permeating fumes lured Golo to the gates of the Castle to feast. So mesmerized by the brilliance of Narren’s offering Golo awarded the blacksmith a thousand coins of silver and snatched the hot meat. Without even examining it, the ogre bit hard into the flesh and steel. But to Narren’s surprise the sword folded beneath Golo’s chomping maw. Narren cursed himself and the heat of his fire. And though Golo went unpricked by the sword, he scalded his mouth with the pliable, white-hot blade and spit it into the lake.

Narren drew his sword, but to no avail. And from that day forward, Golo unpieced all of his meals, or ground them into powder and jelly.