Wally Purvis Dunkwhiffle was born a dwarf. Not a Dweorg. He is a man who is a dwarf. Call him a Dweorg and risk the consequences. Swarthy, sullen-eyed, with forearms like a bear, Wally is the founder of Wally’s Waffles and Weorgs, the famed restaurant built in the Used T’be Forest with the stolen treasure hoard of Ulfrex the Cruel, Lord Marshal of Maax and Champion of the Second Order of the Iron Sun.
How all that came to pass is another tale entirely, but suffice it to say that Wally spent his younger days on the high seas as Wallace the Freebooter King of the Panthynor Straights. When he finally settled down, Wally embarked on a dream. A dream of piping hot waffles, ice cold grog, and freshly sliced substitute Weorg meat (he tried early on to raise Weorgs for meat, but it’s a hell of a thing to do, as you can imagine).
For nigh on thirty years, along with his wife Loretta and son Wally Jr., Wally has fished his own beard from the gravy bar and unplugged the syrup dispenser nozzles in the name of home-style cooking and entrepreneurship. But every so often, when the night’s sky is red as blood, he looks out over the Muckland’s felled trees and sinkholes, his steely gaze reaching as far as the western waters. In those moments he remembers his youth. Remembers his ship, his crew, and the dizzying perils of the high and treacherous seas.