The Dungeoneer Magazine


Are you sure your dungeon is inescapable? Not getting enough face time with your Taskmaster?
Are those pesky adventurers slaying all of your expendable boggle foot-stabbers? If you said YES to any of these questions, you’re not reading The Dungeoneer Magazine, the premier in Dungeon and Cavern entrepreneurial periodicals.

Polish your brainpan with such famous columns as: Underlingers Anonymous, Backstabbin’ Your Way To Veep, Torture Advice, and Uncle Gyldrak’s Petulance Corner.

First published as a simple “dirtsheet” pamphlet during the nascent stages of the Dungeon Era, The Dungeoneer was distributed from the trunk of Editor-in-Chief Fleeg Greenback’s weorg-and-buggy. It has since gone on to influence the greatest business minds of our generation, and garner numerous literary awards such as the Pedagunk Prim (P.P. Award), the Dactyl Shart Seal, the Gundabang Medal for Heinousness, and two Midnight Granny’s for best audio accompaniment for Vol. 40, Issue 9: Reptilian Birds of Prey, in collaboration with Marsh Hag Margie & The Black Crick Band.

The Book of Executionings

If you are in the Book of Executionings, it is a likelihood that you are dead. At the very least you are about to be dead. And at the very very least, such as it is these days, in this modern catastrophe of political correctness…you are banished.

Penned over the course of two centuries, by a long, disdainful lineage of Subterranean Pits and Lairs CEOs, the Book of Executionings is the primary tool for determining “who gets it” in the company dungeon.Its ink has condemned no less than Bolbok the Quag, Snotmouth Pinnersnout, Arch-Duke Fenwick the Pitiless, Cleema D. Blacklily, Trent Thunderbeak, Peaches the Ettin, and Sir Gerard Edrington Slayer of Chognor the Gwarglebeast.

On rare occasions, a name in the book is misspelled, and in accordance with Dungeon Law, a name misspelled is a name pardoned. (Fastidiousness is a well-known trait of goblins, and all paperwork must be processed to perfection or rendered inadmissible.)

Stalwart are the Unwinking Stars: A Tale of Seven Kings

Eem is a world steeped in legend. But perhaps no legend, myth, or story has been told so often, and in so many ways, as the coming of the Seven Kings. There are perhaps two hundred different volumes that tell it, from dozens of cultures, and ten times that in oral traditions.

Conceptually, these stories always contain repeating traditional elements, always driving home the narrative of older, darker times–darker than even the Dungeon Era–wherein seven ships bearing seven kings from seven mysterious kingdoms were lost in a storm from both the sea and the sky, and wrecked on the shores Eem. These kings brought with them enlightenment, heroics, romances, and adventures, and also many parables, fables, tragedies, and songs from which almost every culture has adopted in some form.

In the case of Stalwart are the Unwinking Stars: A Tale of Seven Kings, the volume is comprised entirely of poetic epics that celebrate the aspirational heroics of Orn, King of the Mirrored Sea, collected and bound by what could have only been giants, in a time where Lyrich ink (which is a kind of giant cave octopus) was still commonly available. Golo’s volume has aged well, but to the keen eye, some of the more moving pages betray the dire pattern of tear drops–for even fiends shall weep at songs of Orn, King of the Mirrored Sea.