Wally’s Waffles & Weorgs

Situated on the north western front of the Used T’be Forest, Wally’s Waffles & Weorgs has been serving high quality, home-pressed waffles and freshly slaughtered Weorg meat substitute since ‘82.

Founded by Wally Purvis Dunkwiffle, the retired hero-bandit and human dwarf (not to be confused with Dweorg), the restaurant is an icon in bandit, brigand, rapscallion, and ne’er-do-well underculture. Thieves convene to plan their heists, robbers split their takes, and seafaring Freebooters traverse the Used T’be Forest in grand caravans to sell and barter their booty. Even with twelve waffle presses and two industrial fryers spitting out eats for hungry knaves, there’s still a line out the door on Chimney-chunga® Night.

While it’s true that Wally’s is a rough-and-tumble place, Wally insists that it’s a family restaurant; as such, a standing “rapscallion’s agreement” to refrain from brandishing blades indoors limits the number of patron deaths to two or three per week.

Thulbert’s Pass

D. Thulbert Handydink is a name most folks don’t recall. But for the few that do, D. Thulbert Handydink is a gnome most associated with trail blazing. An explorer by trade, Thulbert took to the world aback his trusty riding-deer Chance Meeting, the finest riding-deer he ever trained, bounding from sea to sea to see both seas and everything inbetween.

Thulbert’s most noteable trail is called Thulbert’s Pass, of course. It cuts through Grimly Wood in the most efficient way possible, before the trees and foliage become too impenetrable and the paths too winding. Thulbert’s Pass offshoots in four directions, to Starless Sedge, Nargyle’s Haunt, The Skein, and Vangol’s Reach.

It is in Vangol’s Reach where Thulbert earned his honorific title of “D.” As he attempted to trailblaze his Pass through the Reach, he unwittingly encroached upon the lair of the last Daughter of Vangol, the great Dragon who subsequently awoke from a slumber of centuries on a mound of ancient bones. Mounted on his riding-deer Chance, the gnome leapt away, just barely avoiding a plume of fiery death, as charred trunks and branches fell like dominoes around him.

The last Daughter of Vangol might have burned down half of Grimly Wood before it laid waste to the rest of Eem had Thulbert not done the unthinkable. He turned Chance around and charged, leaping into Vangol’s Daughter’s gaping maw before the great beast could even think to bite. And like the densest foliage in Grimly Wood, Thulbert took his knife and hatchet and cleaved his way through the Dragon’s cherry red insides, bursting its flame-sac like a bomb. Thulbert would have died, in fact he expected as much, but Chance Meeting bucked him with all of her might, launching him out of the Dragon’s throat and mouth, his trusty deer’s final act.

The bones still lay in Vangol’s Reach, the Dragon’s and the deer’s, if you can manage to find them among the dead trees and the fog.

The World of Eem

The Cross Roads between the Used T' Be Forrest and Grimly Wood.

The Cross Roads between the Used T' Be Forrest and Grimly Wood.

The World of Eem is not all grim. In fact, Eem is quite the opposite–a wonder, bursting with magnificence and a diverse splendor of life, culture, and natural beauty. A fact hidden in its very name, a namesake that comes from an ancient linguistic tradition for what is called the ‘eem’ of an ember, or the light that burns brightly on the surface of an ember glow.

It is believed that this term was first uttered by group of seafarers who, helplessly lost in a storm, followed the sudden light of a falling star to the coast of an unknown continent. They made that continent their home, and named it for their burning savor, the ‘Eem’ of the Ember.

Eem is made up from more than one continent, however. To the west, there is the island of Therafin, a vast, sandy desert whose flat expanse is disturbed by only a single seacliff at its northwestern corner, and a sparkling archipelago of peaking reefs and vaults of kelp forest, teeming with colorful fish.

To the east, across the massive central plains of Eem itself, a narrow land bridge emerges from the foamy, eastern ocean, and leads to Oro, a continent of plateaus. Lulling clouds, drift like white ships of mist between the airy reaches beneath the high flats of Ix, where falcons plunge from the towering heights and into the canyon mazes of what is called Lower Ixia.

To the north, across the harrowing Bridge of Hamarung, lies Felmog and its great sea-side city of Kreeth, which lays nestled in the rocks at the western-most edge of Rengwere Mire, a long dried out and arid former swampland covered in grey loam. At the eastern-most edge, looking south towards Hamarung, lies Maax, Kreeth’s sister city of iron and stone. The Zamorandash mountains rise behind its northeastern walls, crowned by the peak of Hetch and the perilous Tombs of Ur. And Ur climbs from southeastern Canyons of Pim, all the way to what is called the Broken Country–where in that scattered land, islands of ice and wind-blasted rock slowly drift from the coastline and into the frozen sea of Ral.

To the south, the woods of Dingledell and Grimly reach into the Bogril Mucklands and towards the Junk Heaps of Gog, and southwest through the perpetually rainy, Drippy Downs. Crowning the muddy, grimy landscape with flowery twifflemoots and sycamores, lays Muddlebeeg, home of the famed Bazaar, where the multitudes trade from skiffs that slide in from the rivers that weave like sapphire threads over the wild and ancient Murbletoad Marsh, and come from as far to the east as the dusty plains of Shrym and the moundy clay of Thurf.

Beneath it all, the great Underlands, home to all of Boggartdom who hollow with tunnels and caverns, and plummet to impossible depths with their industrious juggernaut of economic progress. There they unearth more wonders by the day. And deeper still, from the bubbling darkness, the great chasms of Shar are ruled by covetous Dweorgs, howling to the melody of their their gathering bells, ringing and ringing like ghostly thunderclaps in the bejeweled abyss.